|
IT HURTS ... |
By Jan Groenveld
The
following is how former cult members and members
of spiritually abusive systems described how they
felt when they finally left their group. This may
give you some insight into their pain and why
there are no easy answers for them.
IT HURTS
IT HURTS to discover you were deceived - that what
you thought was the "one true religion,"
the "path to total fredom," or "truth"
was in reality a cult.
IT HURTS when you learn that people you trusted
implicitly - whom you were taught not to question
- were "pulling the wool over your eyes"
albeit unwittingly.
IT HURTS when you learn that those you were taught
were your "enemies" were telling the
truth after all -- but you had been told they were
liars, deceivers, repressive, satanic etc and not
to listen to them.
IT HURTS when you know your faith in God hasn't
changed - only your trust in an organization - yet
you are accused of apostasy, being a trouble
maker, a "Judas". It hurts even more
when it is your family and friends making these
accusations.
IT HURTS to realize their love and acceptance was
conditional on you remaining a member of good
standing. This cuts so deeply you try and suppress
it. All you want to do is forget - but how can you
forget your family and friends ?
IT HURTS to see the looks of hatred coming from
the faces of those you love - to hear the
deafening silence when you try and talk to them.
It cuts deeply when you try and give your child a
hug and they stand like a statue, pretending you
aren't there. It stabs like a knife when you know
your spouse looks upon you as demonised and
teaches your children to hate you.
IT HURTS to know you must start all over again.
You feel you have wasted so much time. You feel
betrayed, disillusioned, suspicious of everyone
including family, friends and other former members.
IT HURTS when you find yourself feeling guilty or
ashamed of what you were - even about leaving them.
You feel depressed, confused, lonely. You find it
difficult to make decisions. You don't know what
to do with yourself because you have so much time
on your hands now - yet you still feel guilty for
spending time on recreation.
IT HURTS when you feel as though you have lost
touch with reality.You feel as though you are
"floating" and wonder if you really are
better off and long for the security you had in
the organization and yet you know you cannot go
back.
IT HURTS when you feel you are all alone - that no
one seems to understand what you are feeling. It
hurts when you realize your self confidence and
self worth are almost non-existent.
IT HURTS when you have to front up to friends and
family to hear their "I told you so"
whether that statement is verbal or not. It makes
you feel even more stupid than you already do -
your confidence and self worth plummet even
further.
IT HURTS when you realize you gave up everything
for the cult - your education, career, finances,
time and energy - and now have to seek employment
or restart your education. How do you explain all
those missing years?
IT HURTS because you know that even though you
were deceived, you are responsible for being taken
in. All that wasted time........ at least that is
what it seems to you - wasted time.
THE PAIN OF GRIEF
Leaving a cult is like experiencing the death of a
close relative or a broken relationship. The
feeling is often described as like having been
betrayed by someone with whom you were in love.
You feel you were simply used.
There is a grieving process to pass through.
Whereas most people understand that a person must
grieve after a death etc, they find it difficult
to understand the same applies in this situation.
There is no instant cure for the grief, confusion
and pain. Like all grieving periods, time is the
healer.
Some feel guilty, or wrong about this grief. They
shouldn't -- It Is normal. It is NOT wrong to feel
confused, uncertain, disillusioned, guilty, angry,
untrusting - these are all part of the process. In
time the negative feelings will be replaced with
clear thinking, joy, peace, and trust.
YES - IT HURTS BUT THE HURTS WILL HEAL WITH TIME,
PATIENCE & UNDERSTANDING
There is life after the cult.
This material may be distributed freely but please leave our original details for identification of source.
(C) Jan Groenveld Internet: py101663@mailbox.uq.oz.au
Fidonet: 3:640/316
Cult Awareness & Information Centre, PO Box
2444, Mansfield,
4122, Australia (61-(0)7- 343 8116)
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